Open Adoption

The Gift Of Love

Open Adoption: The Gift Of Love

Welcome to our website discussing Open Adoption in New Zealand. Our focus is to promote and educate about Open Adoption, while listening to your experiences and thoughts in our discussion forum.

An Open Letter to our Government

Open Adoption can be the solution to child abuse

Despite efforts to curb the horrific record of child abuse in NZ, 24 little ones have perished at the hands of their caregivers in just four years.

It seems not to matter what party is in power or how well or poorly the economy is doing. Yet there is a beautiful solution and way to turn this child abuse crisis around and help to build stable loving families: Open Adoption.

Drug use and serious mental illness among so many birth parents are contributing factors to child abuse and child mortality.

Reports of concern have increased 44% in the last year alone. With Open Adoption, birth mothers or birth parents are able choose the family of their dreams, vetted by Oranga Tamariki for the special role of adoptive parents, and stay in contact with their baby as he or she grows. Longitudinal research and lived experience show that birth mothers would choose their open adoption over and again by a 13 to one ratio.¹ Many wonderful couples long to be parents and would cherish these little ones. Bonds of gratitude and love are known to create a new open whanau.²

All this leaves many asking how is it possible that only one open adoption was granted last year in New Zealand despite 102 pregnant women and 998 couples making inquiry of Oranga Tamariki³ Are women being denied this wonderful choice? Why?

For us at Open Adoption it certainly seems to be the case. We at Open Adoption would like to build a culture of strong loving families and one that values and protects each little person in our beautiful country.

¹ Krahn and Sullivan (2015) reported in Sage Journal
² Harold Grotovant 35 yr Study of Openness in Adoption
³ Information provided by Oranga Tamariki for the year ending June 2025

This article appears in the NZ Herald, March 2026.

Join the discussion by sharing your thoughts. Feel free to email questions and comments to: info@openadoption.org.nz

LATEST ESSAY CONTEST WINNER!

Our essay contest question...

New Zealand has one of the worst rates of child abuse in the developed world.* What do you think are the causes and potential solutions to this tragic situation?

*www.childmatters.org.nz/insights/nz-statistics

Congratulations to the winners of our latest Essay Contest. Read the winning essay below:

First Place: Ruth Kenyon-Slade

The winners received cash prizes:

$800 First Prize
$500 Second Prize
$100 for Five Honorable Mentions

Our interest in Open Adoption

Our interest in Open Adoption stems from our personal life experience in our family, among friends, and coming from a culture in the US where adoption is well accepted and common.

Open Adoption is legal in NZ, but strangely rare: according to Oranga Tamariki, there are were only 3 non-kin open adoptions last year, to over 16,000 abortions, and 56,000 live births. The birth rate is falling in New Zealand and throughout most of the world.

Keeping Contact

The Birthparents can choose the family of their dreams for their baby. Quoting the Oranga Tamariki website: "Most adoptions in Aotearoa New Zealand are 'open adoptions' where the birth parents and the adoptive whānau know each other’s details and may keep in touch. Open adoption arrangements are not legally binding."

Supported by research

Open Adoption is supported by research and years of being proven to create loving strong families. Adoption arrangements are made through the help and guidance of Oranga Tamariki (links below). Currently, over 52 assessed and approved couples have attended specific adoption training and are available in OT's pool of adoptive applicants.

Why Open Adoption?

There are no easy options when someone is pregnant but not ready for the rigors of parenting. Only the birth parents can decide if open adoption is right for their baby and their family situation. We believe the merits of Open Adoption should be on the table for discussion, so let’s begin!

A Kiwi Example

Download and read: "A happy guinea pig for open adoption"

This article (from stuff.co.nz August 16, 2009) discusses the positive experiences of a family involved in an open adoption.

ESSAY CONTEST WINNERS!

Essay contest question...

What helps create a strong family, and how do strong families affect New Zealand's well-being?

Congratulations to the winners of our latest Essay Contest. There were many great essays from writers 12 years old to 96, and we thank all those who entered!

Read the winning essays by opening the documents below:

First Place: Hilary Jacobs

Second Place: Maninder Singh

Third Place: Lucy Balchin

The winners received cash prizes:

$800 First Prize
$500 Second Prize
$100 for Five Honorable Mentions

Falling Birthrates Essay Competition

The essay question was: Alarm is rising about falling birthrates in New Zealand and throughout most of the world. With 57,006 births*, an abortion death toll of 16,277 (in 2023) and rising, and only three non-kin adoptions in 2024**, what are the long-term implications and possible solutions for New Zealand?

*In the year ending June 2024.
**Oranga Tamariki.

Cash Prizes:

$800 First Prize
$500 Second Prize
$100 for Five Honorable Mentions

Sponsored by Open Adoption on the Falling Birthrates in NZ and the world generated scores of brilliant essays from many perspectives. The winning essays can be read at the bottom of this section but here are some snippets of the various insights:

"One very obvious and alarming reason for the birthrate showing an evident decline, is the increase in abortions, seen in New Zealand. In 2019, there were 12,587 abortions, while in 2020, this figure rose to 13,246. In 2023 there were 16,277 abortions. Taking 2023’s statistics, if these babies were given the chance to live, this would dramatically increase the birth rate, by approximately 30%, which would push New Zealand’s birth rate to 2.03 which is incredibly close to the necessary value of 2.1 (the replacement rate). Decreasing abortions, and thereby increasing the birthrate would lead to a healthier and more sustainable future for our country, as the replacement rate would almost be met."
- AB

"Some choices end a story. Others write a new one. A story where a woman who cannot raise her child still gets to love them is one worth telling. A story where a child grows up knowing they were wanted, not just by one family but by two - is a story worth creating."
- BC

"My husband and I have raised two children through open adoption. Because of open adoption, both children have grown up with strong connections to their biological families. Placing their babies for adoption allowed their mothers to mature without the heavy responsibilities of solo parenting. Today, both women are in stable relationships and have had other children, while the biological fathers have also gone on to create families."
- SK

"The power is in our hands to ensure we do not reap another lost generation in the next 25 years. Moreover, it is in the hands of the medical fraternity to support the young mother in crisis by promoting the long-term advantages of open adoption over quick-fix abortion, which most often has consequences both mentally and physically.
She who chooses life, including open adoption, always reaps a free conscience. She who chooses death is always haunted through the passage of time by what could have been."
- LW

"I was adopted at birth by loving Christian parents who gave me a second chance at life. My birth mother could have chosen abortion, but instead, she chose life. For that, I am eternally grateful. Adoption is a life-affirming alternative to abortion, offering children the chance to be raised in loving homes rather than being denied their right to live. Every unborn child deserves theopportunity to fulfill their potential, just as I was given mine."
- AC

Essay Winners

First Place: Maninder Singh - The Birth Rate Crisis

Second Place: Andrew Balchin - Falling Birth Rates in New Zealand

Our previous Essay Competition

Recently 'Open Adoption: The Gift of Love' ran a nationwide Essay Competition. We had many heart warming entries from throughout New Zealand. Some were from people who benefited greatly from open adoption.

A 13 year old lad’s essay showed concern about the falling birth rate in New Zealand and the world. Another was a shepherd who had the joy of placing abandoned lambs with ewes who had lost their lambs, and seeing the bonding. Several essays addressed the mental health of teens who have had abortions. One young man was a husband whose wife had been 'fostered for life' and rescued from abuse with a loving form of Open Adoption.

We would like to thank all our essay writers for their insights and fine essays. Below is our outstanding First Prize Winning Essay!

Winning Essay...

Adoption is not for the faint of heart; while the world may tell you that to give your child into adoption is failure, I cannot help but see a woman who is no failure, but instead deserves my utmost admiration.

For most, pregnancy is a time of wonder and expectation. But for the woman who finds herself pregnant and afraid yet chooses life for the child, is one to be commended. For a woman to put herself second to the child she carries is a courageous woman indeed.She will be met with judgement and heartache, because she puts herself second.

She will grieve for what could have been as she hands her child over because she puts herself second. She will go home with empty arms while others are full to overflowing, because she puts herself second.

Heartache she will experience… But this woman will be cherished. This woman will find belonging in the family that raises her child. This woman’s heartache will give way to joy as she watches her child grow. This woman’s empty arms will become full as she snuggles her precious child on their visits.

And this child, this sweet child, will have a life of extra love. What a blessed child it is who has so many who love them.

I write this as I sit in my home, which is abounding in love. I get to raise two children who are not my own because a woman puts herself second.

This reality is never lost on me. What a privilege I have all because a woman puts herself second.

N. J 9/24

Correspondence

We received these comments via email:

"Taking a baby from its Mother is not love. Adopted children are more likely to need specialist care for mental health issues. Few studies have investigated PTSD in adopted children, but children in foster care are twice as likely as war veterans to have symptoms of PTSD, such as tension, difficulty concen-trating, emotional numbness, etc." A

Hi A,
No one takes a baby from the mother. A child should naturally be in the loving arms and care of a mother. When a mother places her child in a family of her choice for adoption, it is ofen is because of mental health issues, drugs, trauma, fnancial insecurity, abuse, lack of support. Whatever the mother’s circumstances for feeling unable to raise her baby, that child deserves to be loved by whoever is able to fll in for that child. We are not promoting foster care, for the reasons you list, but open adoption. A mother can choose the family she dreams of for her baby and stay in contact with the child as he or she grows.

Kind regards, Ellen

“I’d love to hear a real story about open adoption.” N.” A

Hi A,
My babysitter was accepted into Med School and was about to graduate Uni when she got pregnant during her first sexual encounter.

Everyone was telling her to abort the baby, that she had such a promising career ahead of her and she shouldn’t let this mistake derail her plans. I told her that although this was difficult timing, this baby could be a blessing to another family thru adoption.

She choose an open adoption, had a precious baby girl which she placed in the arms of the loving family she had carefully selected, and went on to Med School. She kept in contact with her baby girl and her adoptive family and would meet up with them for holidays. What a feeling of peace and accomplishment to take the life and loving giving option of adoption to an unplanned pregnancy.

She’s a Doctor now with a family of her own. Think too about Jacinda Ardern getting pregnant with her baby girl right as she became Prime Minister.

That sets another example of being able to handle surprises as the blessings they are!

Kind regards, Ellen

"Is there empirical evidence showing that open adoption really is a positive solution to an unexpected pregnancy?" G

Dear G,
Thank you for looking at the openadoption.org.nz website, and mentioning that we should include the latest empirical studies supporting open adoption as a positive experience. An excellent suggestion, thank you.

Dr. Harold Grotevant and Dr. Ruth McRoy have done perhaps the most extensive research on adoption, and have concluded that the more openness in adoption, the better the outcomes for all the adoption triad. They have conducted an ongoing longitudinal study for over 35 years, and here is a link to a youtube interview with Dr. Grotevant: Harold Grotevant: Openness in Adoption

I would also recommend the book of another open adoption researcher and proponent of open adoption: Dr. Michael Phillip Grand’s 'The Adoption Constellation'.

The research that is being ignored or suppressed is regarding the mental health implications of having an abortion, which is an informed consent issue. Recently we saw the tragic news of New Zealand’s Olympian Olivia Podmore’s death by suicide and the connection to her abortion as a teen. Unless all topics are on the table for discussion and research not suppressed regarding the mental health crisis in NZ, progress in finding solutions will be stalled.

The leading research on this topic is NZ’s own Dr. David Fergusson, who conducted research similar to the Dunedin Study in a 30 year longitudinal study of over 1200 women who had abortions. His research concluded that over 30% of women had a mental disorder following an abortion. He was a pro choice self proclaimed atheist who was surprised by the results of his study, was urged to suppress the results, which were published in the Cambridge University Press. Just recently, the link to this seminal research has been taken down. Here is a link to an article about Dr. Fergusson’s research: NZ Herald article on Dr. Fergusson and his research. Since 98% of abortions at that time were performed because of mental health issues, he felt the consequences of abortion needed to be part of a woman’s informed consent.

Thank you again for your excellent question and inquiry.

Yours truly, Ellen

Videos

Examples of the many heart warming videos on Open Adoption on You Tube:

Open Adoption vs. Closed Adoption

While enthusiastic proponents of Open Adoption, we would like to acknowledge the pain and trauma caused by the closed adoptions of the past. Suffering and feelings of being abandoned were experienced in many closed adoptions, leading often to a mental health crisis. With Open Adoption, the child would have experienced the love and acceptance of both adoptive parents and the birth parents, and would have averted their experience of trauma.

If you or someone you know and love is considering an Open Adoption, here are some links to sources of help with an unplanned pregnancy. Kia kaha, stay strong, get support and advise from trusted sources, and believe in the your resilience and strength, and of the preciousness of the life you carry!

Here are links to information from Oranga Tamariki about their adoption arrangements:

Adoption (Overview)

Placing your child for adoption

Adopting in New Zealand

Adoption Practice Centre

Join our forum

"Life Matters with Us" is a discussion forum fostering the exchange of ideas and perspectives—a reflection of a free society.

Our focus encompasses various topics such as open adoption, adoption reforms, abortion, mental health, infertility, family life, and free speech.

Join the conversation by sharing your thoughts. Feel free to email us at: info@OpenAdoption.org.nz